CFNM Fun

My Literotica Link

2007-07-08T09:00:00.000-05:00

i've been getting more requests to post stories, so i thought i'd post the link to my Literotica page where i post under the alia "Sam French". would love for all of you (yes, all three of friends, lol) to check them out and give me some feedback.

most of the stories are true, although some are fiction or have elements of fantasy in them.

let me know what you think.

http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=624356

Big Apple CFNM

2007-06-15T11:18:00.001-05:00

I had always wanted a true CFNM experience. I can’t explain what it is about it that turns me on so much. As luck would have it, I became friends with a couple, Melissa and Brad. We both belonged to a photo sharing site, and had exchanged some interesting pictures. As our communications progressed, we quickly realized we were compatible in many ways.

Melissa didn’t feel comfortable exposing herself totally, wanting to use clothing as a shield, maybe in a way to keep from compromising her marriage vows. All the pictures she posted on her site were very sexy, some very revealing, but she still drew the line at total nudity. She’s very attractive, long light-brown hair with blonde highlights cascading past her shoulders to just below her shoulder blades. Her body is that of a gymnast, very tight, muscular, yet curvy in just the right places. Her ass is so firm, belying her age, and her legs are strong, straight, and very defined. And her face is very attractive as well, with big blue eyes and a great smile.

Brad shared a fantasy with me to see her with another man, and we seemed to all agree that the upcoming trip to the Big Apple would be a perfect opportunity to see if things would progress. We decided we would meet at the hotel where my girlfriend Lori and I were staying. Lori and I had discussed things and had found a great place for dinner close to the hotel. Brad had already emailed some with Lori, so we knew they got along and wouldn’t mind if Melissa and I spent some time together.

Dinner was great, our meals were very good and the atmosphere was fun and charged with sexual energy. We walked the mile back to the hotel to work off some of the great food. We decided on after dinner drinks in the hotel’s executive bar on the top floor overlooking the river and the Statue of Liberty. The drinks flowed freely as my friend flirted openly with Brad.

Melissa asked to freshen up, so I offered to escort her down to the room. After a few minutes she came into the bedroom where I waited for her, sitting in a chair next to the bed. I asked if she was ready to go back up to the bar, but she thought we should give them some more time to get to know each other. I offered her my seat instead of having to sit on the bed, but she surprised me by sitting on my lap instead of letting me get up.

Before long we were kissing softly, then more passionately. Melissa is a great kisser and her body was quickly having an effect on me. I couldn’t keep my hands off her sexy body, but she kept stopping me every time I got too close to fondling her naked breasts under her clothes. Her tight ass rubbing against my crotch and passionate kisses were driving me crazy at this point.

We had discussed before how I was okay with being nude if she didn’t want to undress. I had told her how much her body turned me on and how I would love to rub my cock all over her. She could tell that my erection was struggling to get free, so she asked me if I wanted to get more comfortable by undoing my pants. She brushed against it with the back of her hand a few times, but didn’t seem to want any more than that. After a while I thought that it was all she wanted, so I offered to just go back upstairs with her if she didn’t feel comfortable doing more.

She said that maybe we should get cozy on the bed and reminded me of my fantasy. She removed her jacket and miniskirt but kept her thong and top on. Her firm legs were smooth as silk and her thong showed off her sexy ass. At this point, I would’ve agreed to anything.

I stripped off the rest of my clothes and joined her on the bed as we resumed kissing. I rubbed my cock on her and almost got inside her thong several times. Melissa rolled over and asked me to rub her all over. I knew what she meant as I took my rock-hard cock and began to caress her smooth skin with it. Her moaning and the way she moved her body signaled that she was enjoying it also as I continued to give her a full-body massage.

Before long I was doing everything short of inserting my cock into her wet pussy. By this time she had soaked through her thong and the head of my cock had slipped under the material, although the angle made penetration impossible. She kept to her word though and stayed clothed as she squirmed under me, grinding back against me and doing everything short of intercourse. I wasn’t sure what she wanted so I stopped again and asked her to talk to me. I didn’t know if she wanted things to progress or wanted to return to the bar.

She told me she was enjoying everything and that she really wanted me to cum on her like we’d talked about before. We kissed again and I began rubbing the head of my cock against her slit, driving me crazy. She was moving her hips in a circular motion, signaling how much she was enjoying it as well. She could hear my breathing quicken and then I told her I was going to cum. She pulled her shirt up to keep from soaking it as I unloaded a huge load of cream on her back. She was covered from her shoulder blades down to just above her thong as she relished in the feeling of the hot fluid against her soft skin.

We lay there for a few, enjoying the intensity of the experience. I fetched a towel to wipe her down before dressing and returning to the bar. Lori and Brad were still flirting and rubbing up against each other as the effects of the alcohol had made them both quite tipsy. We exchanged knowing glances as we waited for them to finish their drinks. All four of us went back to the room and talked some more. I was hoping that we’d play together as couples but since it was getting late, they decided they needed to go to catch the last train home.

As soon as they left, I made love to Lori, reaching an orgasm even more intense than before as I told her about what had happened.

Tennis Partner!!! Part 2 By JD

2006-06-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

If you haven't read part 1, it might help to understand this story better. The events take place during my freshman year in college. I had known Sue through a friend of mine, Julie, for a while, but had never really spoken or spent much time with her.

That all changed the night of that fateful party at Matt's place. I was very much into Sue, she was 5’9, very blonde and tan, with beautiful blue eyes. Her taut and athletic 34C-22-34 was enough to make anyone notice. And after feeling those long legs wrapped around my body, I knew I wanted more.

At the end of our little one-nighter, she had advised me that she was engaged and that she wouldn't be having sex with me anymore. I had gone from sexual high to totally shattered. She must've sensed my disappointment, since she quickly added that she might be interested in sucking my cock again though. Who could turn that down?

So there I was, a week later, walking up to her front door. I had called her to see what she was doing, and she had invited me over. She said that she didn't have much time, but I could still come by.

I didn't know how serious she was about the blowjob offer, but it didn't take me long to find out. She motioned for me to follow her into her bedroom and she then closed the door. When she turned around, I tried to kiss her, but she wasn't having any of that. She knew what she was after, and she quickly got the point across to me too.

She pushed me against her bed, then unbuckled my belt and unzipped my walking shorts in one deft motion, before pulling them down as she dropped to her knees. No kissing, no caressing, I felt so cheap… yeah right. It was hot, I felt like I was on fire instantly, and I thought I might pass out from all the blood rushing to my cock. Before she had my shorts around my ankles, my cock was quickly rising to the occasion.

"I'm glad to see you've missed me." Her smile showed that she appreciated the immediate response, but I felt like the comment was directed at my dick, not me. I could see down her tank top and her face had an expression of total arousal. She reached out with her tongue and licked the head of my dick lovingly as she held the shaft in her right hand. She pumped a few times, getting the head really reddish purple, before sliding it into her mouth, engulfing the head and an inch of the shaft. I thought my legs would buckle, I was so glad I was leaning against the foot of her bed.

The view of her perfect tits was too much for me as I slid my hand inside her tank top to get a feel. My fingertips had just touched the swell of her left breast when she quickly grabbed my hand. She moved my hand back to my side, signaling that she did not want to be touched. In fact, it became quite clear that the only thing she cared about at that point was my cock.

She sucked it deep into her mouth, emitting sloppy wet sounds as she did. Her right hand was continuously pumping on my shaft in time with her bobbing head. Her left hand had reached between my legs, alternating rubbing my balls and the tops of my thighs. To say she was good would be the biggest understatement.

Her sucking became more forceful, as her skin became flushed in the face and on her chest. Was she having an orgasm? Then came the tell-tale shudder as she indeed went over the edge, still never missing a beat on my cock. She slowed slightly, for what seemed a few seconds, then resumed sucking in earnest. I realized that this blowjob was more about her than about me. I was just a prop, a real-life dildo, meant only to bring her pleasure. I felt so used, it was great!!! I felt like such a sex-toy, and it was hot.

Sue seemed to be nearing another orgasm, as she had found that really sensitive spot on my balls and that constriction in her throat that was bringing the most intense pleasure to the head of my cock. The tightness would squeeze the glans, stimulating it, bringing me closer and closer to orgasm. As I did, my cock swelled even more with blood, making the head and shaft even thicker, triggering another orgasm in Sue. She seemed almost in a trance, her red skin contrasting against her blonde hair, her blue eyes rolling up into the back of her head, showing only the white part.

It was that look of total sexual bliss that sent me over the edge, as I moaned to her that I was cumming. Sue grabbed my balls with her left hand as she pulled me into her mouth with her right hand on my ass, making sure she had all of my cock inside her. Her lips and nose were crushed against my pubic hair as she held her breath, her mouth totally engulfing every inch of me. My orgasm was intense and powerful, as I shot at least half a dozen volleys of cream down her throat. I had wanted to grab her head but thought better of it, thinking she might bite off my dick. So I just leaned back against the bed, thrusting my groin forward, which seemed to make Sue shudder once more with an aftershock of her own orgasm. It was then that I noticed for the first time how she had been grinding her pussy against my shin and foot, pushing the material of her white tennis shorts into her pussy.

The image seemed totally surreal, like something out of an Andrew Blake porno. Sue's girl next door innocent looks were in stark contrast to the totally hot sex act she was performing on my grateful cock. She bobbed her head up and down, making sure she got every last drop as her hands squeezed my shaft and balls. My cum must've taste like ambrosia to her, judging by the content and sated look on her face as my head pulled past the tight ring formed by her lips, letting my dick plop out of her mouth.

As hot as she'd been just the minute prior, she turned equally cold as soon as she stood up. She brushed an errant strand of blonde hair from her tan face as she announced that she had to get ready to go. It was as if she was talking to herself, she acted so detached from the hot scene from just a moment prior. It was quite clear to me that I should leave. Unlike the last time, no kissing, no cuddling, just Sue giving me head. Actually, she sucked my cock, it was only about her and my cock, and if she could've figured out a way, I could've just as easily been gone from the entire scene, except for the fact that I was attached to my penis.

Another man might've been hurt, or felt used. What was wrong with me, I didn't feel any of those feelings? I just knew that I'd experienced one of the hottest sexual encounters of my life and that I would become addicted to that scenario, a clothed woman and a nude man. By stripping me while remaining clothed herself, she had retained control of the situation, unlike the last time. She was able to use my cock for her pleasure, and even though I came as well, it was quite obvious that she had done everything for herself. I was just the stunt cock in the scenario. And to be honest, I loved it. I knew I'd never have anything with Sue, so if that was all I could ever get out of this, who was I to argue?

I spoke with Julie months later and she had told me how Sue had given her fiancé his first blowjob. She acted like she'd never done it before. We both had a good laugh about that, and agreed that she probably didn't feel the same thing giving him head. Maybe it's the naughtiness of it? Maybe Sue loved it so much because she knew deep down inside that it was frowned upon. Why else would such an act trigger such intense orgasms in her? That question has continued to haunt the deep sexual areas of my brain for all this time.

Back to CFNM stories

2006-06-15T10:22:00.000-05:00

Although this story is not really about CFNM, it is part one of another story that is very much CFNM. For the purists, get over it. For everyone else, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. ;)

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Tennis Partner!!!

Did you ever feel instantly in tune with someone you just met? When you get the feeling you’ve known someone all your life? Well, it’s happened to me several times and it always leaves me wondering what it is about that person that elicited that type of response. Why did I so quickly let my guard down and trust that person, shared all kinds of details of my life and chatted with him or her as if we’ve been best friends forever?

Although this may read like a fantasy at times, this and all my stories are true and actually happened to me, and not just in a wet dream. Sometimes I’m still amazed at some of the encounters I’ve had, that’s why I decided to start writing them down. And as I read them again, I realize that some sound like fantasies come true.

I’ve always had the ability to chat someone up over almost any topic, especially if I’m not trying to pick them up. Of course, if I am trying to pick someone up, I usually fail miserably. That’s why I usually go into any encounter with someone new, especially a beautiful woman, as nonchalantly as possible. Maybe women sense sexual desperation like dogs smell fear? Anyway, I’ve often had some of my most incredible sexual encounters right after I’d told myself that nothing would ever happen with the person I had just met. It's gotten to the point where I usually go into a situation expecting nothing, that way I'm often pleasantly surprised when something good does happen.

It was with that frame of mind that I went to my friend Matt’s place for a small party with some people from our college. Matt was a teammate on the varsity soccer squad. He was a really funny guy with a great personality and had invited several really good-looking women as well as some of the guys from the team to his house for beers. I was a freshman and Matt was a sophomore on the team. The funny part was that Matt, like me, was one of the shorter guys at our school. In fact, of the best players on the soccer team, three of us were also the shortest. I was the team's high scorer, which just means I had lots of help and good passing.

Our soccer team often practiced indoors when it rained too hard. We would share the gym with the volleyball team. Because of that, we had gotten close to many of the volleyball players, who happened to be very sexy in their short shorts. For the Einsteins reading this, yes, it was a female volleyball team. The party was evenly divided into guys and girls.

I knew most of the people at the party, but I was really surprised to see Sue at the party. Sue was the best friend of a friend of mine, Julie. Although we had met several times before through Julie, Sue had never really talked to me and acted like she didn’t care for me. Sue was 5’9, very blond and tan, with beautiful blue eyes and almost model-like features. Her body was very taut and athletic, a stunning 34C-22-34. She had very long legs which were very toned from hours of tennis.

Maybe I should describe myself, which would explain Sue’s apparent disinterest in me. I’m rather short, black hair and green eyes, with a stocky “wrestler’s” build. Not exactly the type of guy that would attract some blonde beach-babe, which is how I saw Sue. The obvious physical mis-match, as well as her reluctance to speak to me in the past led me to quickly dismiss the notion that anything might/could/would happen with Sue.

We each mingled for quite a while when I bumped into Sue again over by one of the couches. "Can I get you a beer?" I asked her.

"Sure, thanks. Get yourself one too and come sit with me." The smile she gave me could've melted the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

"What the fuck?" I thought to myself. Those words equaled more than the total number of words she'd ever spoken to me before. We started talking about everything and nothing, including about Julie.

"You know, Julie really likes you. She thinks you're a great guy."

"Umm, well, I like Julie too. She's really cool. I think she just likes me because I'm Italian, like her car." I tried to make a joke of it since I could never take a compliment and didn't know where Sue was going with this.

Julie and I had always been close, but in a non-sexual way. We were good friends, nothing more. Well, she was friends with me, I adored Julie's 36DDs, but Sue didn't need to know that. Julie could've been the biggest bitch in the world, and I still would've kissed her ass. But the fact that she was really fun and drove a hot Italian sports car made it all the better.

"Well, she talks about you all the time. She says you even play tennis."

"Yeah, I played two years in high school", I told her. "I saw you when we lost to your school last year. I ended playing the second doubles match but you were at the other end of the court."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you back then since Julie and I weren't friends then", she told me.

The conversation seemed to be different, Sue treating me like an equal rather than just an acquaintance. Maybe Julie really had told her I was an okay guy. Or maybe it was the realization that high school was over and as a freshman in college, you had to start over.

We talked for quite a while, and since I knew this was going nowhere, joked a lot and regaled her with some of my best comic material. I let my hair down and was myself since I didn’t feel anything sexual between us, even though I thought Sue was gorgeous.

After a while she saw one of Matt's Penthouse magazines next to the fireplace. "Did you ever read any of the stories in that?" she asked, pointing at the magazine.
"Yeah, I think they're pretty funny and hot. Ever notice how the guys are always the biggest studs and can pick up any woman that walks in the door?"

Sue laughed that really cute laugh. Little did she know that I was intently watching her pert tits jiggle under her tank top as she did. Luckily she had thrown her head back slightly and closed her eyes. Damn, it sure was good beer if it made me seem funny to her.

"Well, I think they're written by pros, they can't be true." She rolled her eyes as she said it and all I could think was, "Woohoo, here's my opening."

"You know, I've had some experiences like that," I lied. "Stuff like that happens to me all the time." Sue almost fell off the couch laughing, but I was able to slip my arm behind her to keep from hitting her head on the mantle.

Suddenly we became very aware of our surrounding. "Do you wanna talk some more in Matt's room?" I asked her. She seemed to change suddenly, looking somewhat flushed and more serious.

"Yeah, sure," she said and got up off the couch.

I followed that perfect ass as if in a trance. Sue walked into Matt's bedroom, turned at the door to let me walk through, and then closed the door behind me. I felt like I was walking in a dream, hopefully a wet one, but still just a dream. Little did I think the evening would turn out like this. Just having Sue in the bedroom charged every nerve in my body like I was wired for 220.

Haha, if only she knew how far over my head I was at that point.

The talk must’ve gotten her hot because we decided to continue our conversation in private. We went to Matt’s bedroom and sat on his bed while we talked some more. Eventually we started kissing and doing some light petting. Time must’ve flown since Matt was knocking on the door insisting to have his bedroom back. I suggested to Sue that we could continue “talking” at my house. Being a freshman at a local college I still lived at home, but knew my parents would be in bed by then.

Sue followed me in her car and the ride seemed to take forever. We went to our TV room, which I knew my parents stayed out of and would afford us lots of privacy. It turned out that Sue was talked out and wanted to get right down to it. We started kissing again as I began pulling her shirt off. What greeted me was the perkiest set of breasts encased in a white sports bra that showed off her tan skin. I couldn’t wait to undo the clasp so I could suck on her perfectly conical tits and pointy nipples.

She seemed to lose any inhibitions as she pushed the Levi’s off her slim hips to reveal equally sexy white panties. Her body was flawless and it was at this point that I remember my earlier thought that nothing was going to happen tonight, especially not with Sue. Her blonde pussy hair was neatly trimmed and I couldn’t wait to dive in. I trailed kisses down her flat stomach and soon found my head between her thighs.

I ate her for all I was worth, okay, for all an eighteen year-old was worth. Before long she was pulling me up to kiss my face, licking her juices off my lips and cheeks as I deftly entered her slick but tight little pussy. It took a bit to work my cock into her but soon we found a rhythm and depth of stroke that seemed to be to our mutual liking.

Even though I’m fairly average in size, her pussy seemed to be a half size too small, which made it all the harder to hold off cumming. I was intent on giving her at least one orgasm before cumming myself though. We went at it for what seemed forever but was actually only about half an hour when she stopped me. She said she wanted to give me head. Of course I said okay. She immediately dove onto my cock and started sucking like there was no tomorrow.

She seemed to really be enjoying herself, even more than when we’d been fucking. She was moaning and sucking, even though I was only running my hands over her breasts and sides. Her ministrations became more forceful, urging me to cum for her. I told her I was ready and she just clamped down on my cock and swallowed every drop. Amongst my spasms I felt a quiver go thru her body as well. She continued to lick me tenderly, looking up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. Sensing my confusion, she finally took my cock out of her mouth and explained that she couldn’t have an orgasm until she had sucked a cock first.

The thought of that kept me totally hard as I rolled her onto her back and slid my cock back into her. Even though I had just cum several minutes before that, I couldn’t wait to fuck Sue some more. This time though, she fucked back as good as I was doing her. She came again and was really holding me tight as she kissed me, grinding her pelvic bone into mine, triggering my second orgasm of the night.

We cuddled for a while before she said she had to go. We never did repeat that session although we got together one more time when she just absolutely had to suck my dick again. When I asked if we could fuck she said no, that her fiancé wouldn’t like it. I guess they had gotten much more serious by then. So I just laid back on her bed and enjoyed another one of her expert blowjobs, feeling her tits again and marveling at my luck.

I ended up talking to Julie about what had happened with Sue several weeks later and she just laughed. She admitted that Sue had a real oral fetish but the funniest thing was that she’d only given her fiancé one blowjob, acting like it’s the first time she’d ever done it. Maybe it was her craving for giving blowjobs that made her call me.

WTF is up with this blog?

2006-06-13T12:01:00.000-05:00

Happy Happy Friday!!!

2006-06-09T11:02:00.000-05:00

since i can't get to the pic Erika requested right now, i thought i'd do something to repay many of the hot ladies that leave such great comments. you've heard me expound on the virtues of Blowjobs and taking care of your man. well, it seems i'm in good company. to prove my point, i'm including a professional advice column, so you can see it's not just my opinion... i know the title says, "if men wrote advice columns", but i think that's a typo... i'm sure some undersexed, overstressed, underfed male editor just missed it.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday

2006-06-08T09:52:00.000-05:00

okay, before i post my lame pic for this week, i gotta make an observation. within 24 hours of posting Andi's pic for T4TT, (Tits 4 Troops Tuesday), our glorious fighting men were able to take out the number one terrorist in Iraq. not to make this a political thing, but coincidence, i don't think so. ;) never underestimate the power of a beautiful set of breasteses, especially ones as lovely as Andi's.

so, for all you doubters and naysayers, the next time you face an impossible situation, try flashing those babies. you never know... ;)

okay, enough gloating... here's a pic i took this morning. yep, the pixels are still fresh. i love under armour, and i love the color red...

WOMEN ARE HYPOCRITES!

2006-06-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

there, I said it. oh yes, girlfriend, I went there. let me give you an example. TITS. okay, that's two examples. the point is, think about how much money women spend on them. I mean, Victoria wouldn't have a fucking Secret if women didn't spend a fortune on something that hardly ever gets seen, yet is designed solely for the purpose of making breasts look better. ever think about the prices of bras? astronomical! men wouldn't be caught dead paying $30-150 for something they'd just as soon rip off a woman.

now don't get me wrong, I love breasteses. I love everything about them. but considering how much women spend to make them look good, why do they then get upset when they catch men looking at them? I mean, if you didn't want us to look, you'd be wearing one of those Muslim dresses, right? I figure, I spend that much money on something, I'm showing everybody!!!!! 

so, in order to rectify this huge injustice, I think it's time to establish TITS 4 TROOPS TUESDAY, or T4TT. just think, right now some poor Soldier or Marine has 15 minutes internet access time, and while waiting for the computer to send that long email to his sweetheart, he's surfing the net, looking for some eye-candy. I mean, we have Toys for Tots, right? don't you think our troops helping to protect America's freedom couldn't use something to lift their spirits?

if you agree and want to support our troops, send me a pic, clothed, topless, side shot, cleavage, in a bikini, holding them, whatever. every Tuesday I will post an anon pic in hopes of lifting the morale of our fighting men. I figure I post enough pics of dicks to lift the spirits of our fighting women, should they care to peruse my blog. so I've done my part. now it's up to the sexy ladies to do theirs.

Uncle Sam wants you….. to show your breasteses!!!! :)

EDIT: the incomparable Andi has contributed to the cause with this sexy shot. i know full well that our troops will definitely appreciate her generous offering. sometimes we need to be reminded that we're fighting for more than just apple pie and baseball. ;) Andi, thank you hon, you and the pic are totally hot. :) for all my brothers in arms, i salute you. ;)

Thought and question for all to ponder this weekend

2006-06-02T16:07:00.000-05:00

what, in your opinion, makes for a beautiful cock? now i'm not fishing for compliments, i'm not even talking about my own. i have been told by a woman or two that i had a beautiful cock. what the fuck does that mean? so i was hoping some of you brilliant and sexy ladies might be able to educate me. what do you find attractive about the male member? trimmed, shaved, natural, all important and momentous decisions... lol, you know what i mean. and i know there are personal preferences, but i'd love to hear from anyone who has an opinion one way or another on the subject. now don't tell me you haven't seen one before, you can't click on this blog without my dick poking you in the eye every other post, so that doesn't cut it. and if you want to critique mine, go ahead, i can handle it. and as much teasing as i have to endure by some of you, i have to handle it quite often... ;)

seriously though, this post will probably flop, since hardly anyone reads this drivel anyway. and without any pics, most will click on "back" as quick as nicole smith can put away twinkies. but just in case, i'd love to know what all of you hotties find sexy or attractive in the male member.....

and thank you in advance for any and all comments... and you know me, the more graphic, the better... :)

MILFs, DILFs, and flirting on WIOW

2006-05-31T09:47:00.000-05:00

so we spent part of the weekend on the beach this past holiday, like millions of others in the USA. yep, we live on the edge. ;) it really struck me though how many really hot MILFs were out this weekend. is it just me, or is all this emphasis on looks having it's effect, especially on hot moms? I mean, the moms were out in force and looking sexy. in fact, I found myself flirting with several of them since I was keeping an eye on the munchkin in the surf, while they watched their offspring. not that I consider myself a DILF, since I don't want to fuck myself, lol, but we did have some fun.

in case there is someone out there, yes, one of the three who sometimes read this blog and don't know what a MILF or DILF is, I'll explain. not to insult anyone's intelligence, since it is a fairly obscure term born of the internet. MILF = mom I'd like to fuck. yeah, there are a couple of letters missing, work with me here. and DILF is the dad version.

so, is it just me, or is there way more sexual innuendo and flirting amongst married folks? is it a safe way to bring some excitement into otherwise happy marriages? I mean, Mrs. Dredd doesn't worry much about me straying, but it is really exciting to flirt, isn't it?

there's one thing I have noticed though, there are a lot of people in desperate need of a good fuck or two. I mean really!!! hell, I'm one of them. at least I admit it. I mean, with all the stress in our lives these past few weeks, and for those of you that know me beyond just this blog can attest, we got a lot of shit going on. so it's understandable why it's been about a week since our last episode……. ;)

but seriously, there are a lot of people, some who even read this blog and will probably admit it themselves, who really, really need a good fuck. and I don't mean from a battery-operated boyfriend (BOB), with a real live person…

so, back to the beach, there was this one MILF who kept giving me that look, partly smiling at my efforts to keep my munchkin from drowning, and partly the "let's go find a sand dune, you and me" look. it was hot. it made my whole friggin day, to be honest. not that there was any chance of actually sneaking off, but fuck, it was hot just knowing she might be interested. (some eyecandy for some of the bi and lesbian readers...)

women, yes you, pay attention… YOU have the power to make the world a better place. just fucking flirt with some unexpecting guy. I mean, really flirt, make him think it could actually, possibly happen. do it someplace safe, a coffee shop, Walmart, I don't care, just be safe. but trust me on this, that guy will spend the rest of the day on cloud nine.

and if you have a significant other, try this, some morning, roll over and give him a blowjob before he even knows what hit him. I mean, a real blowjob, a pornstar blowjob!!!! act like you actually enjoy it. act like you actually adore his dick. and sucking it means more than life itself to you. and no, you don't have to swallow if you don't want to. but don't act like he just spewed toxic waste on you when he does cum. fuck, it will come out in the wash. sheesh. let him cum on your tits, rub it in, whatever gets him off. trust me, he'll be more attentive and will do anything you want. as long as you do it without him having to ask or beg. by the way, the best blowjob i ever got was from someone who didn't swallow, so it's not as important as you think.

in the long run, ladies, he will treat you better, like the queen you deserve to be treated as. yes, it may take a few applications, but once you program him to think that he may just get another treat, he'll be so much more attentive. yes, it's fucking Pavlovian, but hey, you always tell us what animals we are. ;)

but the secret is to act like you actually enjoy it and just want to give him pleasure. after all, you're doing it for yourself in the long-term… ;) most marriages get stale because we stop acting like we actually enjoy each other. remember those dating sex sessions in the back of the car when you were 16 or 17, if you haven't given your mate a good groping like that in, say, the last 10 years, ask yourself, why the fuck not?

and as soon as next week is over, Mrs. Dredd is in for the sex of a lifetime. (yeah, I know, it's bullshit, it'll probably be over in 15 minutes, but that's how I'll see it).

so here's the WIOW pic. it was one of the first nude pics I ever took. it was just before one of the most intense orgasms I've ever had. I guess this is me whipping it out both literally and proverbially. and for anyone who thinks, ewww, if you can't admit to masturbating and can't enjoy an orgasm for what it is, we need to talk. ;)

so, if you take my bit of advice and it works, let me know. if it doesn't, let me know. and if you end up having to sneak off at some point today to "rub one out" as they say, definitely let me know, hehe. yes, I think it's really hot!!!

Under Construction

2006-05-30T09:01:00.000-05:00

this week is a short week, due to the holiday, which means that my boss will try to cram 5 days worth of bullshit into 4. i will try to post something much more fun later today, for the two or three of you who will actually read this, LOL. hope everyone had a great weekend. i did a lot of MILF-watching and i'll post a story and pics later, i hope.

WIOW

2006-05-24T14:26:00.000-05:00

no cool fonts or colors, no links or video. just JD's dick in living color. *yawn!!*

My Blog Sucks

2006-05-23T11:13:00.000-05:00

yeah, i know i stole the line from Lucky Seven, but mine really does. sheesh. i look at these other hot blogs with colors, different fonts, highlights, links, video, audio... sheesh mine sucks big donkey balls. hell, most of the time i can't even be bothered to capitalize. i barely have time to come up with anything witty. and most of you have seen me nekkid, as BB King would put it, "THE THRILL IS GONE..." oh well, hope all of you are having a wonderful week. my week's actually been pretty good, just busy. so please excuse me if it takes me a while to reply back. i do want you to know i will reply back though. it's the least i can do for anyone who takes the time to leave a comment. :) and this is the closest to a bicep pic i have for Cherry. i know, lame, just like the rest of the blog. :)

Jokes to start off the Week

2006-05-22T12:56:00.000-05:00

no, it's not a pic of me... sheesh, although that would be pretty funny. ;) i'm often told how funny i am, and i always reply, "hey, looks aren't everything." but these are real jokes that help explain the love/hate relationship men have with women. i, for one, adore women. i have 4 in my house at this time, so i guess i better. having said that, wtf is up with you women? sheesh. forget PMS, that explains a week out of the month, what's up with the other twenty-some days? i say much of that in jest, since i couldn't imagine not having my wife and girls in my life. but every so often i spend just a weekend with my son, and the friggin drama almost totally disappears. so, to make light of the situation, i'll post two jokes that somewhat explain how men feel about women... ;)

Joke 1:

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried your best to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time.

Finally he said, "Lord, I want to know what a woman feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Joke 2: (Read this with all the emphasis denoted by the text)

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday - Woohoo

2006-05-18T09:53:00.000-05:00

it's the big anniversary. nothing witty, just the pic. i figure i waste enough of your time with my miscellaneous rants and ravings... :)

here's the link to my first HNT post, to go along with the rules for this anniversary. wouldn't want to piss of Osbasso, hehe. :)

http://cfnmfun.blogspot.com/2006_03_01_cfnmfun_archive.html

yep, it's the dreaded yellow towel again, this time in B&W though. :)

WIOW Again?

2006-05-17T12:38:00.000-05:00

This week is really flying. I thought I'd change it up a little though, instead of whipping it out physically, I would whip it out emotionally. I mean, you must all be getting pretty sick by now of seeing what henceforth shall be referred to as Mr. Happy. I mean, come on, if you've seen him once, you must feel like you've seen him a thousand times. Enough already.

But how often do you see a guy open up his inner thoughts so unabashedly? We tend to internalize everything, unlike women. The differences are staggering, but make for really fun arguments, LOL.

Okay, I've wanted to share this for so long, but have always kept it inside. The feelings are really starting to overtake me now. This desire has been building for quite a while now. From my first glimpse, I knew I had to have her. Yes, I believe in love at first sight. Well, she had me at hello. *Tear*

Lately, I find myself not being able to think about anything else. I've even confessed to Mrs. Dredd. At first she was really pissed, we've had many arguments over this. I throw every emotional reason at her, and she counters with plain reason. Damn her.

But I can't help myself. She's so beautiful. I just want to touch her, stroke her, feel her responding to my every caress. I just know that we'd be great together. I've even gone as far as to tell Mrs. Dredd that she could accept it or leave. I know even in Utah polygamy isn't really legal anymore, but if there's any reasonable argument for it, this would be it.

I know some will be disappointed that I would stoop so low as to forsake the woman I swore to love until death do us part. What can I say other than, up yours. :)

I'm buying me a fucking Ducati, that's all that's to it. Mrs. Dredd can accept it or I'll just not get one. Yeah, I know, I'm a pussy. No, fuck it, I'm getting one anyway. I'll use the "honey, she gets such great gas mileage, we'll save money" routine. And if that fails, I'll buy Mrs. Dredd that house she's been wanting. Half a million dollar house for a $7K bike. Sounds fair to me. ;)

Edit: Please click on the pic to see it full size to really appreciate the beauty of the bike. The Ducati Monster is called a "naked" bike, due to the lack of fairings obstructing the view of the frame and engine. You know I had to get naked into this post somehow, LOL.

Repost of a CFNM Experience I had

2006-05-15T09:20:00.000-05:00

My Blog has morphed so much, some of you wonder why it is called what I titled it. Well, I'm one of those few weirdos who likes looking in the archives for stuff, but many don't, so I thought I'd repost this story to help illustrate CFNM. Hope you like it. And yes, it actually happened, to ME. ;)

"Thank you Lisa"

By Sam French ©

I had stopped by the food court in the mall to grab lunch before going back to work. That’s where I met her, selling jewelry from one of those temporary stands. She was blonde, tall, and very pretty but what struck me immediately was the intelligent look about her and how professional she was in the presentation of her wares.

I was mesmerized and ended up "looking" at her jewelry, buying a really nice 14K necklace for my mom.

I found myself not wanting to leave, and since she wasn't very busy, we were able to strike up quite a conversation. I discovered she was only in town for a week, traveling around the area, selling her jewelry at different malls.

She told me she was staying at a local motel, giving me the impression she wanted to see me again. I asked if she was busy that night and she said no. I told her I'd call her that evening after work.

I called Lisa around 8 pm.

"Hi Lisa, remember me? Short, dark, and gruesome."

Her laugh was refreshing as she answered, "Hi JD, how could I forget? I was hoping you'd call. It's pretty boring in the motel. Are you coming over?"

"Of course I am. I'll be there in about twenty minutes."

She must have been waiting at the door because it opened as soon as I knocked.

She looked even more stunning than she had earlier. She was 5'9" and a tight 34C-24-34 with shoulder-length blonde hair.

Her smile let me know I was definitely welcome.

After some small talk about the motel room and her day, she sat down on the bed while I settled into the lone armchair. From her bubbly manner, I could tell she really must've been thrilled to have any kind of company. We talked more about her job and then she just stopped and got quiet.

"JD, I want you to know that I'm separated. I've been married for eighteen months but things aren't working out."

"Okay Lisa, that's cool. I'm sorry things aren't working out for you, but someone as wonderful as you should have no problem finding a great guy."

It was the only thing I could think of, what do you say to news like that?

Lisa looked at me for what seemed like an eternity, maybe trying to discern if I was sincere or just trying to make her feel better. I guess she thought I was sincere, since a faint smile washed across her face before she looked down on the bed next to her and patted it softly with her hand.

I got up and sat down next to her.

We both leaned towards each other and kissed, tentatively at first, then a bit more urgently.

We could feel the temperature rise in the room as the kisses became more passionate. I couldn't get enough of her soft lips as our tongues danced in each other's mouths. She felt great, just soft enough to be feminine, yet very firm, like an athlete. I kissed my way down her neck as I unbuttoned the blouse she was wearing. She offered no resistance as I pulled it off, leaving her in her jeans and bra. I continued kissing all around her upper body, nibbling on the swells of her breasts that spilled over the cups of her white lace.

"Oh JD," she moaned softly into my ear.

She ran her hands through my hair, pressing my lips into her flesh.

I undid the front clasp of her bra and watched in amazement as it fell away. Her breasts were the perfect size, capped by dollar size areolas and pert nipples. I kissed each breast several times before drawing her right nipple into my mouth while squeezing her left breast with my right hand.

She could tell I was excited as my hard cock pressed against her thigh. She lifted her knee to slide it between my legs, rhythmically rubbing my crotch.

I kissed her perfectly smooth tummy before unbuttoning her jeans. She inhaled sharply as my lips found the tender spot below her navel. With butterfly kisses, I traced the top seam of her white silk panties as I pushed her jeans down her long, firm thighs. Her tan was flawless and the white lines made her body even more appealing.

I was burning up but Lisa wasn't making any effort to take off my clothes. Not wanting to spoil the mood, I went back to licking her all over. I kissed down her right leg, pulling off her sock as I got to her foot. I then kissed my way back up the inside of her leg, stopping only to breathe lightly on her panty-covered crotch. I could already feel the sweet heat rising off her mound. I continued kissing down her left leg along the top, taking off her sock, and then kissing her foot before licking and nibbling my way back up to her pussy.

"Please JD, eat me, do it now."

The pressure of her hands on my head enforced her plea, as I traced the outlines of her lips through the translucent material. She was definitely wet as she squirmed against my mouth. I grabbed the sides of her panties as she lifted her hips, helping me slide them off.

Her pussy was as perfect as the rest of her. Her neatly trimmed bush barely covered the pink lips that were beginning to open up from the swelling of tissue. I again traced the outlines of her lips and bush with my tongue, making sure to stay away from her pink inner labia. I could tell it was having the desired effect on Lisa as her sweet ass was squirming on the bed. Her breathing was shallow as she ran her hands through my hair, trying to get me to her sweet spot.

She looked so sexy with a sheen of light perspiration making her skin glisten, while her breasts rose and fell with each breath. The noisy air conditioner barely kept up with the rising temperature in the room, although the blowing air did make her nipples stiffen even more. Her chest looked like two ice cream sundaes with cherries on them, making me desire her even more.

I dove into her pussy with earnest this time, driving my tongue into her inner reaches as she arched her back and ass clear off the bed. She let out a gasp followed by a deep moan before clamping her legs around my head as she made sure I did not move from that spot. I could hear nothing and saw stars, but I was damned if I was going to stop what I was doing.

I grabbed her ass cheeks with both hands, holding her up while jabbing my tongue into her tight pussy. I knew she must not have had it for a while, since she was as tight as a teenager. I could tell she was beginning to cum, as she pushed hard against my tongue with her crotch, squeezing my head even more.

After a few minutes, she relaxed enough to unclench her legs. It was at this point that she realized what she'd been doing as she sat up to hold my face in her hands, kissing her juices off my cheeks, lips and chin.

In between licks, she was apologizing profusely, asking if she had hurt me. I could only laugh, telling her if I was hurt, I hadn't noticed.

She continued to kiss me, making me forget any possible pain I may have felt.

Suddenly she stood up and started to gather her clothes.

At first I thought she was just getting them out of the way, but then she pulled on her panties, her pants, clasped her bra around her luscious breasts, and slipped her blouse back on. She left it unbuttoned but it was small consolation to me, my confused brain and my aching cock.

"JD, I really like you but I vowed not to sleep with another man until my divorce was final."

The hurt puppy look in my eyes must have been quite obvious, since she quickly added, "I didn't mean for things to go this far but you made me so hot. But I'll make it up to you, I promise."

I was still confused. How could she make it up to me if she had just covered the object of my desires…that luscious body of hers?

As I was still reeling from the incredibly intense action just minutes before, she began to kiss me again. Then she said something that sounded strange.

"JD, take your clothes off and lie on the bed." #

Huh, I thought. Maybe it was all the blood rushing to a lower part of my body, but I couldn't figure out what was going on.

As I stripped, she watched me intently. Soon enough I was naked, my raging cock seeming obscene in front of a clothed woman like that. I lay down on the bed as directed.

Lisa started kissing my face, then my neck and chest as she worked her way down. She kissed all around my ribcage and abs, as if she wanted to make sure I was aroused enough.

In the meantime, my cock bobbed up and down with every heartbeat. It was so hard, it pointed almost directly to my belly button. Soon her cheek was rubbing up against it, although she made no point to kiss it. She continued kissing my hips and all around, avoiding my cock entirely.

I thought I'd black out from the sensation when she finally licked along the shaft up to the head of my cock. With one smooth motion, she slipped the head between her lips, trapping it in the velvety, smooth prison of her mouth.

I was in heaven and fought off cumming on the spot!

Lisa was caressing me as her head bobbed up and down on my cock. She pumped me with her right hand as I began to build towards orgasm. Her lips still engulfed the head, but her small hand stroked the rest of my cock, slick with her saliva. The sensation was incredible. Within a few seconds I began to stiffen as my cum erupted like a volcano. Lisa pulled her head back just enough to send the first jet into the air, landing squarely on the headboard behind me. She continued to pump my cock as I shot half a dozen more spurts, most of them landing on my chest and stomach.

Her soft hands continued to caress and stroke as my orgasm subsided. She played with my balls gently and milked every last drop of cum from my shaft. Then, when I thought I couldn’t experience anything more erotic, Lisa leaned down and licked the last drop off my glans, bathing the head one last time in the moist warmth of her mouth.

Lisa got up and retrieved a towel from the bathroom. She lovingly wiped the cum off my body. She then cleaned off the headboard before taking the towel back to the bathroom. She came back and lay on the bed next to me, kissing me sweetly and pressing her clothed body against my naked flesh.

Somehow, I knew we had shared a special moment.

After a good bit of time, maybe ten minutes or so, she got up and announced she had to leave early in the morning to her next job at a mall in North Florida. Even though I knew we'd shared something special, it would probably be the last time I'd see her.

Although this was not a true Clothed Female, Nude Male (CFNM) situation, I knew I was hooked. The ‘feeling of power’ she had over me as she remained fully clothed was more arousing for me than any aphrodisiac. She was able to maintain control of the situation while giving me such intense pleasure.

It was an experience I will strive to replicate again and again in my lifetime.

Thank you Lisa for unleashing such intense feelings in me.

The Return of STFU Friday

2006-05-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

yep, after all the whining this week from yours truly, i'm back to my old self. i thought it was fitting to return to Shut the fuck up Friday. here i pour my heart out on my blog, and not one woman offered to have sloppy sex with me to make me feel better. sheesh.

i mean, what are we coming to as a country? it used to be, some guy blows snot-bubbles all over the bar over some lost love or whatever, and he'd be guaranteed some real wild sex from some chick, maybe even two, and all for free. free i say. you guys are going to force me to have to go pay for sex. and to be honest, Mrs. JD just charges me way too much.

well, if i don't start feeling some love around her, i may just have to break out Fluffy again. some of you have seen me do it before, it's not pretty, but i feel i have no choice. and for the fucking newbies, Fluffy's in the archive somewhere. go find him, then you'll see the wrath of Fluffy unleashed. he is, after all, destroyer of worlds.

so, maybe, just maybe one of you will take one for the team and volunteer to drive down here and take care of JD and Mr. Happy's needs. i mean, it can't possible take more than five or ten minutes, how hard can it be? it's not like i'm asking for much. we won't even have to cuddle or anything. in fact, a handjob or BJ would suffice. and then we'd all be happy knowing that Fluffy won't have to rear his ugly head.

anyway, for some of you, thanks for nothing. you all have excuses that basically suck ass. "oh JD, i live in a foreign country and it costs too much to fly there for just a blowjob." or "oooh JD, my hubby doesn't like me performing oral sex on strange me..." sheesh, if i had a nickel every time i heard one of those...

well, the guy in the pic pretty much sums it up best. how about a nice cup of STFU (with a huge dose of sarcasm). hey wait, doesn't that cause cancer?

to the rest of you i still like, have a nice weekend. and for the others, i hope you take some time to ponder these words of wisdom from good ole JD these next few days.

HNT Blues

2006-05-11T11:19:00.000-05:00

After yesterday's post, I thought it would be appropriate to do something edifying. I've always loved the Blues. They seem fitting on a day like today. They can uplift, motivate, yet give you that comforting bluesy feeling. Someone asked to see my legs, after the arms pic, so I thought I'd post a pic of them. It's not as explicit as some of the pics I've posted, which is a good thing, LOL. Hope you get a laugh and a deeper appreciation on the article about the Blues. And I'm sure you'll get a giggle out of the tree stumps I call legs. Playing soccer for 38 years hasn't exactly helped... ;)

HOW TO SING THE BLUES
by Lame Mango Washington
(Attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes .... sort of:
"Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevy’s and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall -- the lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Brad, Reno, Biff, Sierra, Sequoia, Buffy, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see "a" above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi"...)
20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care.
21. Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' the Blues ain't never had much a chance for education. In the Blues… the three R's stand or Railroads, Runnin' and Rehab.
________________________________________

I just love the Blues. Something about them just makes me so sad though…

Tribute to a Mentor, Friend, and Comrade in Arms

2006-05-10T09:47:00.000-05:00

today is the memorial service of a mentor and friend of mine. i served under his command for a while and he's been a friend for almost two decades. i know it's WIOW, but i just can't seem to get into the right mood for it. as a tribute to my friend, i'm posting this pic instead. in a strange sort of way, i feel like he would've loved this pic. he was larger than life, from his loud voice, to his huge bearhugs, and even the way he entered a room. he was one of those John Wayne kind of guys, without trying to be.

he was a brother in arms and a great commander. in my own, fucked up sort of way, this is my final salute to him. he, more than anyone else, would've understood what i was trying to say, he always did. it was an honor for me to have served under his command. Godspeed Bill.

Confessions of a Metrosexual

2006-05-08T14:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, I didn't know what that was until about a year ago when a friend of my daughter mentioned it about himself. And yes, we have a nagging suspicion that he's gay. But I kinda did the metrosexual thing this weekend. Turns out that the older kids wanted to go to the movies. When I drop them off, the 18 year old Swedish exchange student we have staying with us decides she'd rather hang out at the mall with me. Well, I added the part "with me", I just think she wanted to go to the mall.

Ever see the movie "The New Guy"? That scene where Eliza Dushku goes shopping and models bikinis for D.J. Quall? That was us, except she was modeling sun dresses. If you've never seen that movie, rent it, it's hilarious and the guys in your life will thank you for that scene alone…

Anyway, here I am, helping a nubile blonde with tits out to here (32DD) try and find something to wear for a function she has to attend. Let's just say, all my recommendations were quite sexy. ;) She actually liked all the dresses I was suggesting she try on, she may go back and buy one of them this weekend. Anyway, it was funny seeing everyone's reaction as we walked by, I guess they assumed she was with me. LMAO. She's actually very sweet and I don't think she realizes how hot she is.

On the way into the mall, some douche bag white kid was sitting on a bench outside the entrance, smoking. He was dressed like some NBA star, in a red silky tank top and matching shorts. He smiled and nodded to my companion, doing his best impression of Joey from Friends ("how you doin'?"). Well, on our way back out, he was still sitting there, smoking, still trying to pick up any woman that walked thru the doors. What a loser. If you know a guy like that, or your kid tries to be like that, do the world a favor and tell him to get a fucking clue.

In the mall was the classic assortment of hoes, sluts, bitches, gangsta wannabees, and posers. What the fuck is happening with our youth? We laughed our asses off at all of them, especially this one kid who looked like he was two quarters shy of 50 Cent.

I guess I should be thankful they were all there, it certainly gave us lots to laugh about. I really need to spend more time in the mall. LOL. Anyway, found Mrs. JD several gifts for Mother's Day. Can't go wrong with Bath and Bodyworks stuff, hehe. Oh yeah, and bought her this bitchin' Dooney and Burke purse. Yep, that's the metrosexual part, I actually thought it was cute and she'd love it. We have way too much estrogen in our house. Anyway, it was so nice, I ended up giving it to her yesterday. She'd been down about something and I told her she could pretend this was an early Mother's Day present. Hey, it got me laid, so don't knock it. ;)

So, if some guy were to read this, maybe by accident, chicks dig that sensitive side. It doesn't hurt too bad to pretend to have one once in a while…

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday Again

2006-05-04T09:37:00.000-05:00

gawd i'm starting to really love Thursdays. not because of having to post, i'm seriously starting to run out of pics that don't make me want to hurl. i mean it. no, i love visiting all the other blogs and seeing all the hotties on HNT. ladies, lovely. just the fact that you're all posting even the slightest bit of skin and putting yourselves out there like that makes it all the sexier. as a small, and i mean, small thanks, i post this pic. since you've seen the rest on WIOW, i thought i'd make it less nekkid for HNT. :)

Whip It Out Wednesday, Already?

2006-05-03T13:49:00.000-05:00

sheesh, the pressure. you know how tough it is to have almost three women harping on you to whip it out? okay, two, probably only one, but she's really persistent. i tried to post earlier, no dice. blogger was pissing me off. so now here it is. i was told to post a profile shot. hope this will do. the pressure, gosh! ;)

I got Nada!

2006-05-02T10:53:00.000-05:00

yeah i know, i'm being very limp, but i actually have to get some work done, sheesh. bastards expect me to earn my inflated paycheck. can you imagine?

so, as a topic of discussion, latex or lambskin, ribbed or smooth, lubricated or non. feel free to talk amongst yourselves. ;)

STFU Friday

2006-04-28T08:49:00.000-05:00

after my blog was hijacked yesterday by alien creatures from the planet Uranus (lol, had to go there) i figured i'd get back to the normal JD. i love these pics, and i figured they were the perfect way to usher in the weekend. enjoy. and please don't scroll down and look to see what some mad-man posing as me posted yesterday. sheesh.