HNT Blues
After yesterday's post, I thought it would be appropriate to do something edifying. I've always loved the Blues. They seem fitting on a day like today. They can uplift, motivate, yet give you that comforting bluesy feeling. Someone asked to see my legs, after the arms pic, so I thought I'd post a pic of them. It's not as explicit as some of the pics I've posted, which is a good thing, LOL. Hope you get a laugh and a deeper appreciation on the article about the Blues. And I'm sure you'll get a giggle out of the tree stumps I call legs. Playing soccer for 38 years hasn't exactly helped... ;)
HOW TO SING THE BLUES
by Lame Mango Washington
(Attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes .... sort of:
"Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevy’s and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall -- the lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Brad, Reno, Biff, Sierra, Sequoia, Buffy, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see "a" above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi"...)
20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care.
21. Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' the Blues ain't never had much a chance for education. In the Blues… the three R's stand or Railroads, Runnin' and Rehab.
________________________________________
I just love the Blues. Something about them just makes me so sad though…
HOW TO SING THE BLUES
by Lame Mango Washington
(Attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin)
1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning."
2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."
3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it.
Then find something that rhymes .... sort of:
"Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound."
4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch; ain't no way out.
5. Blues cars: Chevy’s and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks.
Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.
Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train.
Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running.
Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.
6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.
7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain.
8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is.
9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall -- the lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster.
10. Good places for the Blues:
a. highway
b. jailhouse
c. empty bed
d. bottom of a whiskey glass
Bad places:
a. Ashrams
b. gallery openings
c. Ivy League institutions
d. golf courses
11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it.
12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues?
Yes, if:
a. you're older than dirt
b. you're blind
c. you shot a man in Memphis
d. you can't be satisfied
No, if:
a. you have all your teeth
b. you were once blind but now can see
c. the man in Memphis lived
d. you have a retirement plan or trust fund
13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues.
14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are:
a. wine
b. whiskey or bourbon
c. muddy water
d. black coffee
The following are NOT Blues beverages:
a. mixed drinks
b. kosher wine
c. Snapple
d. sparkling water
15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction.
16. Some Blues names for women:
a. Sadie
b. Big Mama
c. Bessie
d. Fat River Dumpling
17. Some Blues names for men:
a. Joe
b. Willie
c. Little Willie
d. Big Willie
18. Persons with names like Brad, Reno, Biff, Sierra, Sequoia, Buffy, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.
19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit):
a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.)
b. first name (see "a" above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.)
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.)
For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi"...)
20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't care.
21. Hey there, you can READ! This too be a big ol' problem. Most folks singin' the Blues ain't never had much a chance for education. In the Blues… the three R's stand or Railroads, Runnin' and Rehab.
________________________________________
I just love the Blues. Something about them just makes me so sad though…
posted by JD at 11:19 AM
27 Comments:
Sweetie, Don't be blue! I love your post! This picture is of all of you not just the legs. :-) The legs are sexy but the whole package is great. Cheer up pumpkin! HHNT!
That's not a pina colada...and yes I can have one of them there fancy little drink umbrellas in my shot of whiskey! ;)
Awww, sweetie...there ain't a damn thing wrong with those legs! They're just as hot as the rest of you! ;)
Great Pic JD!
Cheer up.. it's a new day tomorrow!
Damn, guess I have no reason to sing the blues.
Very nice legs and everything else that goes along with them...including the great personality and sweet sense of humor.
Have a good day darlin'
OK, just because I have all my teeth, doesn't mean I can't have the Blues! I damand an edit!
I love the legs, Soccer guys are always HOT! *wink
nice shot! and you're making go break out my etta james.
happy hnt!
Now there's is the JD we all know and love, the half naked one. Honey I'd like to start at those sexy legs and work my way up!!!
I love the blues, Muddy Waters just finished playing on my CD player, now it's Stevie Ray Vaughn and next is Janis Joplin. Love the blues but hope you are not feeling too blue. Kisses.
I've got some left over Stawberry Hill... would it count if I drink straight from the bottle? If not, I've got bourbon for back up...
Hugs to you~ Great HNT!
Stumpy JD Jefferson. Kinda got a nice ring to it, doncha think???
You can't have the blues with a pic like that! Hugs, big bear x
Ya, what Green Eyes said! Gotta love the soccer playas!
Well I have never been to Rehab but I still love the blues! Koko Taylor baby!
And Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! for the picture!
dayum, can't have the blues with all these hot women around. and with all of you all still having your teeth, i certainly can't sing the blues. and if we were all in prison together, it would just make for a really hot late-night cable movie, so i guess i better cheer the hell up. ;)
i'm glad nobody saw the huge grin on my face as i read all your comments, they'd have me committed for sure.
love you all!!! :)
verrry nice jd......me likey!
did you see my first HNT?
**wink**
Not a fan of the blues in general, but at least now i can use your "how-to" guide. HHNT.
Alyssa, very very nice. thanks for the comment hon. ;)
DNA, the blues are the best. try BB King's "The Thrill is Gone", one of my absolute faves. and the how to guide is totally funny, i still laugh about it. HHNT hon.
Ooh.. The Thrill is Gone sends shivers through me.
Love that song!
Glad you've cheered up a bit
oooooh, love that shiver Robyn. i've cheered up a lot hon. the only way i could get cheered up anymore if all the ladies on here showed up at my house, nekkid. ;) thanks again for the sweet comments. and BB is the King. only thing better than the blues, is the blues played live!!! :)
WOO HOO Sexy.........Not only are your arms fantastic but the rest of you is damn sexy!!!!
Well hunny, last week you said we were neighbors I was outside nekkid looking for you ... does that count? ;)
Very nice pic, Cheer up!
HHNT
thank you for the legs darlin'
*~*Happy HNT*~*
JD~I am so sorry about your friend and your feeling blue. But sweetie that HNT is hot! Thanks for gracing us with your sexy bod once again!
Hugs~
andi
Becca hon, where were you, i was nekkid and waiting for you outside too. ;)
Cat, thanks hon. you're sweet.
Andi, thanks so much. the Blues thing was intended more as a joke and to lighten the mood. the last line is definitely a joke. and glad you liked the pic, you are all way too kind... :)
Morning Sweetie,
Happy Friday. Hope you are having a nice day.
Hahaha, I love number four in the blues rules.
Great pic! :)
hi TME, sorry it's taking me so long to reply to your comment, after seeing your blog, it's hard typing one-handed. ;)
Anonymous Midwest Girl, AMG, thank you so much for the comment. :) yeah, i love #4 too. very funny. the whole thing gets me laughing every time i read it.
Please don't be blue... being "in the pink" is much more fun! Cheer up and thanks for the skin.
Big Mama, i LIKE pink. ;)
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